RED BUZZER

RED BUZZER

Dear Reader,

Welcome to PQR (Poems Quotes & Reality).

Today, I am going to have an interactive session in the Reality Zone. I recently got in touch with an old friend and we had a very insightful discussion. She drew my attention to a very dead topic which instantly came alive in a bid to help a friend.

And please note that the Reality Zone is very Unisex, no bias to gender.

There are a lot of ships in this world and each ship has its destination and its docking space in the main land no matter where it travels to.  Picture a Shipping Dock by a mainland; you join a ship to travel on a journey with a known destination, leaving all your friends and loved ones behind. Now, on your journey, you meet other people and make new friends. You are happy and you get in touch with your friends and loved ones back in the main land to debrief them on how much fun you are having on the ship.

After a while, the ship gets to the first in-land dock for refueling and before you set sail again, the captain of the ship announces that you are supposed to leave your phones and any other gadgets that keep you in touch with your friends and loved ones at the main land or join another ship that will take you back home or allow you to use your gadgets.

At this juncture, allow me to be a soothsayer and say you will gladly keep your gadgets than join that ship (at least I am hoping so, on the bright side). Now, what if you are not told about this condition so you join after the refueling; then half way on the journey the captain announces that everyone is supposed to throw all gadgets into the sea and accept a custom made gadget as a replacement or stand the risk of being thrown overboard?

This happens after you have become so attached to the other travelers that you do not realize that you have even lost touch with your old friends. Again, let me be a soothsayer and say that under this circumstance, you are going to throw out your gadgets without second thought with the logic that you will get in touch once you get to your destination probably after a brief and let me emphasize very brief battle with your flailing sense of loyalty just to ease the guilt and to have a defense in case of any confrontation.

What happens next? You get comfortable with your new friends and family and become totally engrossed that you do not even notice that you are losing your identity. Your whole life becomes so intertwined with the ship that you can’t even bear the thought of being left behind at another refueling dock. Soon, you become a stranger with your only identity being the pass that you hold which serves as proof of being a passenger on that ship and you live with the perpetual fear of being left behind.

And then when the other passengers you now see to be your family and friends begin getting off the ship at their destinations, others change ships because they were just in transit and others find new friends and decide they really didn’t like you anyway, what are you going to do? You may be good at keeping to yourself so you might survive but what if they start complaining and threaten to throw you overboard while you are asleep? Or what if they persuade the captain to leave you at the next dock and exchange you with another traveler?

Now this is the question my friend asked me after she learned of my break up (this December will be 2 years after the break up) with a mutual friend:

‘But how did you get over it? My friend broke up with the sweetheart and it’s been a year and half but she’s still brooding over him. I don’t know what else to say to her.’

My response:

‘Hmmm. Truth: There’s no easy way out! It’s very difficult and depends on the level of intimacy and friendship and bonding between the two. I found solace in doing what I love most: Teaching at Sunday School and teaching Choreography. I got busy with my work and my writing. I involved myself in a lot of activities, at work, school and in my family. I stopped shutting others out and opened myself up for new possibilities, Why cry over spilled milk, you know? I learned my lessons too. You know sometimes we make the mistake of estranging ourselves from our friends (and family) unconsciously when we are in relationships. We make our sweethearts our everything, forgetting that it’s not yet marriage. Our world revolves around them so when they leave, we feel lost. Everything falls apart and it becomes hard to figure out our bearings.’

All that I am trying to say is that, sometimes in our relationships, we unconsciously build our lives on the words and promises of our beloveds (note that I didn’t say marriage). For lack of a better phrase, our world revolves around that person and we build our whole future with our beloved being the central pillar in the building. So when that person leaves our lives, we find that all our dreams, hopes and I fear to say our very existence come crashing down around us.

It becomes very difficult to get back on our feet again; we become crippled and myopic when we think of our future without him/her. It is very sad when I see some ladies and gentlemen wallow in self-pity and depression on the brink of madness; they lose their way and tend to become jaded and sometimes use the experience to become promiscuous. Others too cannot bear the shock and disgrace so commit suicide (too bad), while some of us become recluses in our own homes and strangers to our friends.

'...friends who will not give up on you...'

You will realise that your old friends moved on without you and you will regret shutting them out. The shame and guilt you feel will make it difficult for you to confide in them so they help you through the break up unless you have very forgiving friends who will not give up on you and will gladly help you get over the situation.

This is a very common and frequently looked over mistake that sometimes happens in our relationships. It creeps in and sweeps out our lives outside of our relationships. You have heard of the idiom, ‘No man is an island’, right? Well let me modify it and add that, ‘No relationship is an island either’. I didn’t include marriage because most often than not, whatever we do in our relationships continue in a clearer and much bigger form in our marriages. So it is very imperative that we get things right in our relationships, agreed?

I will end with the lyrics of the late Whitney Houston (Greatest Love of All):

‘I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve

'learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all'

Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all’

And the current Justin Bieber (Love Yourself):

‘And when you told me that you hated my friends
The only problem was with you and not them
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong
And tried to make me forget where I came from

For all the times that you made me feel small
I fell in love. Now I feel nothin' at all
And never felt so low when I was vulnerable
Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

 'Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself’

So let’s love our best in our relationships, let us fight to keep who we love and who loves us back but be warned my dear reader, try not to lose yourself in this journey called ‘relationship’ in your life.

SO just like a buzzer that is sounded to keep people from going the wrong way or to make people realize their mistakes and stop their actions, let this piece be a Buzzer that brings you back to reality. Just between you and me, I added red to the buzzer because it sounds cool: Red Buzzer (lolx) and of course my favorite color happens to be red and yeah, certainly because red is the preferred color used as a DANGER ALERT!

THE RED BUZZER

Your Relationship is only an aspect of your life NOT your whole life! Move on if you have to; Let go when you must and keep being the fabulous YOU! Keep the Faith, keep hoping and above all let us keep LOVING!

Yours sincerely,

Agyeiwaa

P.S:

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