FOR HIS FRIENDS

TO ALL MY LADIES, FOR THE HOMIES!

This long note is totally written on impulse so please do not take offence. My female mind was fast forwarding to the future as usual and instead of the usual romantic-filled day dreams, I had an unsettling realization this dawn.

Truth be told, I was momentarily taken aback because in-laws are the ones normally known to give this buzz of complaints (truth hurts, huh?). As such, I was baffled at the guilt that plagued me after my sub-conscious person prompted me that all my effervescent daydreams had one thing in common: ‘The self-interested, albeit unconscious, omission of the presence and importance of the ‘homies’ in my future husband’s life.’

Ladies, it is possible that any of your man’s (husband, fiancé, boyfriend) friends (aka Homies) will not like you for a reason as bizarre as, ‘She has taken over the life of our ‘best friend’ completely without any room for us.’

I earnestly hope not but if this déjà vu happens to be real, then let this be a lullaby to all the worries and insecurities of all the real Homies out there.

To this effect, I will like y’all ladies to apologize in advance if you happen to ever make the ‘guys’ feel this way in the near future. We (all ladies) probably haven’t met you yet, still, allow us to allay your fears and tell you that we have no intention of butting you out of our men’s lives completely.

I hope y’all will agree with me, as the saying goes, ‘Friends are the family we choose’ and to rid him (our men, your friend) of you (the Guys/Homies) is totally abominable.

On this note, allow me to speak on behalf of the rest of the ladies and to all our ‘Homies’ out there that we would very much like to have you in our lives.

·       

  Before Us, there were YOU:

This is to acknowledge the longevity of your friendship with him (our men, your friend). Contrary to your thoughts, we (ladies) appreciate the times when you (guys) were there for him and we weren’t. The times you had to lie to protect him or even sell him out to teach him a valuable lesson.

The memories you have shared, the bond you have created, the times you have spurred one another on. The laughter, the jokes, the quarrels which deepens the bond of friendship, and all the times you rubbed off on him. I chose to be with him because of the person he is. And he is who he is because you are his buddies and confidantes. Your influence in his life has been tremendous and he is the man we fell in love with because of how your friendship has shaped him.

A little secret, apart from our mothers-in-law, we are sometimes very apprehensive that you (guys) will not like us or approve of us (believe me, your opinion speaks volumes and we know very well that if you didn’t approve of us, maybe we wouldn’t be with him) so that explains why most of us are overly nice to you guys (sorry ladies).

·         After Us, there will still be YOU:

I have noticed that some ladies become overly possessive of their men and unconsciously (sometimes intentionally) drive the guys (homies) away. Some even go to the extent of driving away his relatives with the unwelcome attitude and cold shoulder. Ladies, I think it’s time we grew out of that immature game. 

What will be more fun than inviting the guys over for lunch or dinner? Probably hosting them to watch a football game or whatever sport they may be interested in; providing some home-cooked meals; and giving them space to enjoy their game? 

It will be a bonus if they also have ladies of their own. Befriend their ladies too, nurture their (homies) friendship by being friends with their ladies (I am not saying be like peas in a pod); I am only suggesting that you can just bond with the guys better through their ladies. Come together and hold your men down, there’s power in numbers they say. 

And if there are kids in the picture, involve them! Allow your kids to go for sleepovers, welcome theirs, and have play dates. Come on ladies, be creative! Find a way to keep them in his life after you get him. We could have group dates or nights out. 

Don’t kill the vibe ladies, kill the venom.

Keeping healthy friendships outside of our personal and intimate relationships is very essential. Most of us (Both ladies and gents) tend to miss that (read more in THE BUZZER). 

Ladies, truth is, no matter how well you think you know your man, there are some things his guys know that you don’t. We can be in denial all we want, but truth is they know when another lady comes onto the scene and believe me if these gentlemen do not like you, and the other woman is smart enough to get into their good graces, sorry for you but you’re going to be in real trouble. Same goes for our in-laws, wise up ladies, do NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT underestimate their powers of persuasion that the guys and in-laws have over your man.

Now, I know that you might be thinking, ‘What if the guys are not good for him?’ ‘What if they are womanizers?’ ‘What if they are drunkards?’ ‘What if they are frauds/fake friends?’ Well, that will be a very dicey situation and you will have to tread carefully on this one. I do not have all the answers but if you love your man and he loves his guys, no matter how much you may disapprove of them, hold your end of the bargain. Keep the Peace and Keep your man. Besides, I am guessing you met his friends and still decided to be with him, right? 

Now to end this long note, Ladies, do not forget to keep God in your relationships. Pray for your man, his friends, his family, his colleagues at work, whoever else. Pray for your man and pray with him. More importantly, pray for wisdom, for yourself, to be able to manage your home.

Let your Home be a Sanctuary for your man and yes, it could be a hide-out for his guys too! Just saying *wink*

And just one more thing: If you are a lady, and you think you are considered ‘a homie or one of the guys’ and you are very single, sorry but I don’t think I can risk having a female ‘homie’ or ‘best friend’ in my home, LOL! This is just me, don’t know about you ladies out there.

Happy Bonding!